"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." Matthew 6:14-15
I think almost everyone that knows me well will say that I get over things very quickly. I might cry. I might get mad. I might snap and spout off something I don't mean, but, in general, I recover and move on. My husband always tells me that he is amazed at my ability to get over life's jabs. We can have a heated argument one minute and an hour later, I am talking to him like nothing ever happened. This "skill" doesn't come as easy to him. He holds on to things a little longer, and it's harder for him to let them go. I have always felt a little smug about my ability to "forgive and forget" until a recent conversation with my husband.
My husband keeps me grounded. He is able to look at situations through the eyes of pure logic and remove all emotions. I have no clue how that is possible, but it is, and he is a master at it. We were having a conversation about forgiveness. The situation didn't involve our relationship but rather my relationship with someone else. I was looking for perspective.
I didn't really want to hear what he had to say at that moment, even though he was right, because the pain I was feeling was too raw for the salve of logic to soothe. In a nut shell, he was telling me that I needed to forgive the "wrong doer" and move on. I told him that I wasn't sure he was the best person to give me advice on forgiveness since I forgive a lot easier than he does. His reply was stunning and filled with more truth than I was ready to swallow at that time. With all the love in the world he said, "Jen, you don't always forgive. You're just really good at forgetting." Wow! It was like a punch in the throat. A punch that I needed. After listening to his argument, I did what I usually do. I took time to reflect on what he had said and time to pray.
Could this be true? Do I really just forget when I feel wronged as opposed to actually forgiving the person? Had I spent most of my life forgetting the pain, the hurt, the sorrow instead of digging to the root issue and honestly forgiving those who I felt had wronged me? Really? Have I been doing this unknowingly for 32 years? The answer is simple. YES! There are numerous situations and people from my past that I probably "forgot" as opposed to truly forgiving. Whereas, my husband might take a little longer to forget about it, but when he does, he is able to truly forgive and move on.
For me, if you truly forgive a person, you have a peace in your heart about the situation. It doesn't torment you, you don't waste energy thinking about it, analyzing it and replaying it over and over in your head. They no longer have a hold on you. You are FREE!
Forgiveness is different for each person. Everyone does it differently and on their own time. I have a deep compassion for people and I show an abundance of grace and mercy, but maybe I don't forgive like I should. Maybe I do just "forget." Now that I am aware of this, I can begin to make a change.
From this point on, I want to be a forgiver and not just a forgetter. You?
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